Thank you for reading, thank you for following, I need a break to try and live my life, to move on, to be here now with my children, to be here for my cat to try and break free from the pain to ignore it, just for a while to pretend to have a normal life to move forward with me. While Simons loss occupies my thoughts I need to let him be a beacon of light showing me teaching me a lesson, he was there to teach me a lesson, to make me grow and move forward in my life, I am not sure how yet, but I know there is a reason there is always a reason to grow. Just know I am not gone but trying to be here now in my life.

NOthing to say today, just getting by and reading other posts

For some reason I am feeling at peace right now. Like he was a beacon showing me something I needed to learn. Going to sleep now, just because I can and I feel exhausted.
Bless all who listen and hear me, you are the best listeners in the world.

alone

I feel so alone, so apart from everyone, my family, people in general and life, like I am just floating through life, none of it matters anymore, I am hoping at least that one day I will move forward. Maybe by writing this I am moving forward. ALl of you seem to be, so I have hope. Thank you for putting your blogs out there openly so I can have hope.

just...just

I have to stop hating myself...What did I do wrong. alone with myself, alone with my grief. just alone.....

what the....

I have spent the last 2 days walking around like a zombie. Opening up on this blog is more than I can do, I have to stop for a while, until I can feel like I don't know until I can feel like a person worthy of being heard, my body has failed me, I tried to be a good mom, I wanted to be worthy person, I feel like a failure, like I failed the world and especially my Saint. Like I failed life, like I am unworthy and will continue to be and i hate that I feel this way....Re-reading this it feels awkward but true so I am putting it out there.

have to stop

I am not sure I can do this. I was just a viewer, not wanting to share of myself, feeling like it was too much, it was, I am not sure how to go about this, I can't even function let alone write my feelings, fuck the world, who the hell delt me this hand, a year ago I would have never thought I would be here now. But you have a beautiful family, it will be ok,

GO FUCK OFF.......

I just want to sit in my room and cry, or die.... It will never end, I know that now that I have read other blogs, I know it won't, it doesn't seem to help by writing about it, maybe one day it will make me feel better but for now it is making me feel worse.

The world SUCKS and I can't even go walk in the woods and scream it is so fucking cold........ . Everyone in my life needs to go to hell, all the good wisher agggggg........................................