Simon was a saint, in my heart he is forever pure. His life was spent in darkness, alone within me, never connecting but trying to be free. He spent his whole life all 39 weeks in me, but he never saw me, was he. Did he know me, was he ever real, was he....I know he was real, but was he? Was he just a hiccup in life or was he a person, who can tell you, only I can tell myself that he was real. I have spent the last two months in a fog, looking for a lifeline, running to the computer at all times looking for others like me, spending hours in the dark, listening to my "real" kids chatter on about what is going on, everyone careful to not mention Simon, to pretend he was never here. Like he is not "real". Or was he, was he just a fantasy? No, I know he was real. I felt his on the physical plane, but never connected. Like I said before something was wrong, I knew, even with all the tests.
They all thought I was crazy, going around reading about child womb issues, looking into midwives, acupuncture, chriopractic care, naturopathy and all alernatives, pysciccs and anoone who would listen, now they have all disappeared, even my friends, all gone. Now all I have is the constant hum of the computer to keep me company. And not a soul to understand what I am going through.
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Hi Barbara- I am so sorry you lost Simon. It's an awful, neverending gift, isn't it? I am glad you found the blogs. Don't be afraid to write- it's pure therapy for me! And I don't think I could have gotten through the last year without the support of the women I have "met" in this community.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you should be able to email charmy and ask her to let you in. I don't know who she will let in or not, but I believe she went private for personal reasons, not to block everyone per se.